I Thee Wed … Gay Romance Is NOT Dead!

In Being Gay, Dating, Relationships on October 23, 2008 at 1:24 am


Meet Bobby and Joseph – two young men who are crazy about each other and ready to take that waltz down the aisle. For most of the young GLBT community, marriage isn’t given a second thought, but for these two crazy kids, it’s a dream come true! May I present to you, Mr. and Mr. … well, read for yourself…


Equal4all: Please give a little background of your relationship with Joseph:


Joseph and I met October 18, 2004 shortly after I had begun my freshman year of college at Virginia Commonwealth University. He was a senior at the University of Richmond -about 5 minutes away in the same city. When we first met, neither of us thought it would turn into anything serious; we both thought the other was not our “type.” I guess we both learned that neither of us really knew what our type was.


After a month of dating for fun, we finally realized that we wanted to be an actual couple and that is when our relationship really began to grow into what it is today.


After 6 months, we moved in together. Some would say it was too soon, but clearly it worked for us. We lived together in Richmond until December 2007. In late December 2007 I graduated from college – we packed up our apartment and moved to NYC together.


We currently share an apartment with our adorable little cat, Archadeus, in midtown west. It has been an absolute blast! We have grown a lot together since moving away from our families and friends.


Equal4all: How did your family react when they found out you were engaged?


When all was said and done, my family was amazing. There were a couple of funny moments when telling them, but that was to be expected I guess. My mom asked me “to who?” I only responded with, “You know who … Joseph, Mom! We have been together for almost four years and just moved to NYC together, who do you think I am engaged to?”


My biological dad didn’t answer his phone when I called him. He returned my call the next day and asked me what my news was. I told him I was engaged and his response was “to who?” I almost died and asked why everyone keeps asking me that. He said “I just want to hear you say it I guess.” Then he said he was so happy for us and I could hear him start to get emotional – in a good way – which isn’t an everyday occurrence for my Texan father.


Everyone has been very happy and very supportive. I am very lucky; especially considering my family is made up of mostly Republicans!


Equal4all: Did the two of you decide to live together before the engagement or is that happening after the walk down the aisle?


We have lived together for about 3 years prior to getting engaged. We moved in together basically 6 months after our relationship started. He was graduating from college, preparing to start graduate school, and needed a roommate; I wanted to move off campus and wanted a roommate. We had been spending almost every night together up until then, so we decided to save ourselves some money and just move in together.


Equal4all: I’ve read that some gay married couples have an open relationship … Once you tie the knot, will Joseph be the only man for you or will it be open? Have the two of you talked about it at all?


Our relationship is not open in that respect. We have no problem talking openly about our feelings or if we find someone attractive because that is human nature, but we do not have sex with other men on the side. It is just not our thing, but I know it works for other couples and that is great for them.


Equal4all: Give us the juicy deets of your wedding: How many in the wedding party? Color you went with for flowers? Matching tuxes? Where is it being held and when? Where are the rings from? Are you going old school; something old/new, borrowed/blue? Writing your own vows?


I think the best way to answer this question is to answer it out of order. The rings, the rings are very special. A close friend of Joseph’s family is a jeweler back in Virginia. He was also Joseph’s confirmation sponsor back when Joseph was a practicing Catholic. He sat us down with a couple gin and tonics and instead of showing us a bunch of the everyday men’s rings you see everywhere he simply took out some paper and asked us about… well … us. He asked how we met, what we were like when we met, what our relationship was like in the beginning. Then he asked us about our current life together, what we like to do for fun together, what we do separately, what our interests are. Then he reviewed his notes and is coming up with personalized rings that will fit us and be one of a kind. They will be white gold or platinum, and just beautiful.


The wedding is going to be a little different. First of all, we are not religious. With that being said we decided we did not want a religious wedding. Personally no real mention of religion will be a part of the wedding. We want the ceremony to be legitimate so we knew we would have to travel to another state. We will be having the ceremony in Massachusetts because that is where Joseph’s family originates. The ceremony will be small and will only consist of a couple close friends and my parents. We plan to have it video taped and shown at our reception which will be held here in NYC. The reception is going to be the big event. We plan on inviting about 130 guests, but we have to cut our list down from where it is right now. As mentioned before we will show a short video of the ceremony at the reception. The reception will be held on the upper east side of Manhattan. It will be a cocktail, music, and hors d’oeurves affair. Everything is still in the works but we think the direction we are going in is best for us.


We started out by trying to plan a big ceremony and full blown reception to take place here in the city, but we realized it wasn’t our style. We aren’t traditional and we are more outgoing. A cocktail event popped into our heads.


Equal4all: Did you propose or did Joseph? What was the planning that went into it? Did it turn out how you imagined?


Joseph proposed to me – he had it all planned out. We were at home and he started acting a little strange. He said to put something nice on, but wouldn’t tell me why or where we were going. While getting ready he played our song, “I’ll Be” and then a bunch of songs from the movie Dirty Dancing. I knew something was up, then it hit me. I thought to myself “he is going to propose to me!” So I texted our friend Jayson and told him I thought tonight was the night. I was bouncing off the walls.


Anyways, as we were leaving he told me I might want to bring my glasses. I thought that was strange but didn’t question him. We left the apartment and started heading from HK toward the eastside. As we crossed town on foot I realized where we were going. There was only one place we would really be going in that part of town and really only one reason I would need my glasses. The Rainbow Room! Sure enough, that is where we went. We took the elevator all the way up and got a bottle of champagne, deserts and enjoyed the view. As we finished our champagne I looked over at him. He seemed nervous but very happy. Then nothing happened. The waiter gave us the bill, he paid and we left. When we hit the street he asked me what was wrong. I guess my face showed everything. I said “is that it?” Like a spoiled 2 year old would do. He said yes and asked what else would there be.


We had a silent walk back to our apartment. When we got there I walked into the dark living room, took my glasses off and sat on the couch. He turned the lights on and sat down next to me. He was just looking straight at me with a smirk on his face, while I sat there not entirely happy. I kept asking him what was so smirky and he would look over at the dinning room table instead of answering me. Since I had my glasses off I couldn’t fully see that far away. Once my eyes focused on the big envelop on the table I realized it kind of looked like my name was written on it. I got off the couch walked over to the table and opened up the envelope that did in fact have my name on it. Inside were the forms for NY domestic partnerships. I looked over at him and he proposed. He was so insanely nervous even though he knew I was going to say yes. We popped open a bottle of champagne and danced to “I’ll Be.”


Immediately after the song I called my mom, then my dad and then texted just about everyone I was close to.


Equal4all: Do you and Joseph have the same political views? If not, how do they differ and how will it affect your vote come November?


We do have the same political views. They aren’t exact, but I don’t think anyone’s are exact. They are 99.9% aligned though. We both supported the same candidate in the primary, and even though our candidate, who we support entirely, did not win the nomination we both are supporting the same person now. We both are extremely passionate about politics and both studied political science in school.


Equal4all: Do you go out a lot or are you the stay in/order out kind of guy?


I would say we are a healthy mix, although my co-workers say I go out a lot more than the rest of them. We love catching happy hour at least once a week. And we try to go out on the weekends. We usually hit the neighborhood bars such as “Barrage.”


We enjoy ordering out, but try to cook as much as we can. It gives us time to do something together and talk without distractions.


Think on your toes questions:


Blue or red?




The ocean or a lake?




Cook or take-out?




Blonds or brunettes?




What kind of car do you drive?


I don’t have a car. Take the subway; used to have a yellow mustang convertible.


Favourite candy bar?


Oh Henry


Favourite website?



  •  Interview conducted by J. Federico



  1. I’m not really a fan of young marriage, but there story is totally inspiring

  2. Some how come accross this peace it inspired me and loved every bit of the interviw

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