equal4all

Top to Bottom

In Art, Being Gay, Clothing, Clubs, Gay Celebrity, Gay NYC, Music, Night Out, NYC, sex on August 25, 2009 at 2:29 am

topbottom

Currently rocking: Kraftwerk’s “The Man Machine;” “Robots” is currently playing!

Okay so I feel great blogging away!! It’s so far a sort of stream of consciousness but that’s how I converse; I don’t want to sit and plan what is appropriate for me to say! I much prefer to chat with all you sexy people in a natural, candid way!

I am going to segway from my beauty blog about feeling sexy to actual SEX and relationships – from tops to bottoms and those who are versatile … back to butch, femmes, and Andros! MORE and MORE labels to pigeonhole ourselves further into little cubby holes so we can literally SHOP for an “IDEAL” partner – or more truthfully, an “IDEAL” compliment to our outward appearances in society’s grip.

Yes much of it may be preferential, but these labels can sometimes serve as a mask. Why can’t we all just be the beautiful individuals Mother Nature intended us to be?!! Guys look at me: I am 5’11, 155lbs., skinny, white, artsy – and they assume so much without knowing me. Assumptions are: You are a total “femme bottom” that loves to be bossed around. My outgoing enthusiastic attitude also makes me seem “gullible,” I’ve discovered … how wrong is that?!!

In relationships, I tend to be the “MAN” – the one that “wears the pants.” But if we’re both boys, then we both wear pants – and girls wear pants too! I’m confused ALREADY with antiquated gender jargon!! Isn’t it interesting that all this terminology harkens back to the 1950’s standard of men’s and women’s role in society? Antiquated much?!

I prefer to top. I’ve tried bottoming many times and it hasn’t (in the past) been fulfilling to me. THAT does NOT mean I rule it out for all eternity. I think the ideal relationship for me is one where there is an ebb and flow … versatility, if you will. I just haven’t met the right guy for that yet!

If you want to feel the meaning of label constriction and have a good laugh, read Keith Swain’s “book” Dynamic Duo. Never before have I seen someone simplify the complexities of the human condition so ignorantly. One of my back-up dancers gave me this book; he is one of the sweetest guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing but he is totally indoctrinated into this “SYSTEM” for finding your mate! There is no ONE way to find love or happiness!! LIFE doesn’t have a handbook, so open your mind and take an adventure!!

I outwardly proclaim NOT having a specific type (looks-wise). Some friends say I like pretty boys, tortured artsy boys, White, Latin, black, or even Asian (now I’m beginning to sound like a Missy Elliot song!). I like it all, but it really depends on chemistry, energy, and dynamics of the individual! Many of the men I’ve been in serious relationships with have been physically shorter than I am, about the same build, and with personalities slightly more BETA. I think personal motivation and a killer work ethic is pretty sexy.

My friends always say I’m the “Butchest gay guy” they know … which means what exactly?! I don’t have a typical butch build, but I’m just a “regular guy” personality wise? HUH? I’m flummoxed.  I’m just myself – a dude – a dude who is a musician and gay. I’m an old-fashioned romantic when it comes to courting. I like to buy my guy flowers, pay for dinners when I can (keep in mind: I am a full-time INDIE ARTIST! HAHA) i.e. do the typical “male” role things in the relationship. But this is also because I’m a Libra and love beauty in all its incarnations … even gesture! Does this mean that I don’t adore the reciprocity of such behavior? Of course not! I appreciate thoughtfulness and effort too!! There is nothing more appealing to me than a man who allows himself to be soft, feminine, and most importantly, receptive to another man’s energy.

So much of the gay community’s energy IS this “TAKE IT BITCH!” attitude! I truly believe this is subconscious misogyny … or conscious!! There is so much beauty and power in surrender, opening your mind and heart enough TO accept another man.

It was very amusing to me to read these match.com, OkCupid.com, and all the other dating site profiles out there on the web. I’ve tried the online-dating thing and it just wasn’t for me – meaning I never found a LTR. However, I did find some great sex … still fantasize about this one guy – sexy psycho; I threw his phone out a window! LOL, anyway… All the dates I’ve been on from Okcupid.com that claimed desire of a LTR, I had sex with after maybe 3 dates (granted these are THE FEW I didn’t get up and walk out on the first date!!) Match.com: 1 guy , first date = sex – this guy was looking for a “HUSBAND.” LOL – keep in mind I expressed interest in meeting guys for short-term dating, long-term dating, and sex … no ambiguity, no grey areas.

There will be a profile of a seemingly great guy. He is super cute, interesting, multi-faceted, seemingly very educated, and then at the end of his post it will say: MASCULINE ONLY. NO QUEENS PLEASE. U MUST WORK OUT 6X A WEEK. WTF?!!! Men come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and dispositions; what is so wrong with an effeminate male? I love a queen in my man – it’s exciting, dynamic and multi-dimensional. We are oppressed enough as it is. Now I KNOW a great deal of attraction is personal preference. For Example, I typical enjoy darker features – Mediterranean or Latin. I’m not too into blonde-hair, blue-eyes TYPICALLY. However, I have fallen for one or two blondies that caught my attention with another more attractive quality to me! So I can’t say that I rule any one physical “TYPE” of guy out! I like a good adventure!! I’ve dated tall, short, large, small, geeky, preppy, angsty, prissy, trans, and bi just to name a few!!

But what I DO NOT understand is this whole “I want a straight/straight acting guy” fantasy?!! I don’t want a straight man! I want a gay man! I love my gays!! I want someone I can embrace and kiss their face off in public anytime I want – or screw on the street in the middle of the west village on a Friday night at 9pm!! HAHA – get the condoms and the Boy Butter (best lube ever!!) THIS is why so many men are single. BECAUSE they are so close-minded and see other gays who are more comfortable with themselves and are intimidated.

I’ve read several essays about gender identity and the gay men’s disdain for other gay men’s effeminate natures. Some people suggest that this not self-hatred or homophobia, but rather misogyny – A total disregard for all things FEMININE. This is SO sad, especially for our community. One of the things that has made homosexuals sacred in certain cultures, for example Native American traditions, is that we had BOTH energies – two souls!!  We need to get back to this!! Peace, Love, and Happiness!!

-Charlie Demos

charlies

Charlie is a fantabulous pop singer who will be guest-blogging for Equal4all for the next several weeks.

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  1. Baby, be what feels right for you. That is a failproof way to joy. You represent the new shift in consciousness for not only the gay community, but the human race. They say in a thousand yeare we will all be androgynous. (Some new age thinkers say that anyway.) Repression leads to depression, which leads to despair, which is NEVER sexy and NOT cute. Be free!

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